my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
