I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
