All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
only you would photoshop your dick
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize