but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
