the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
