Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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