new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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