I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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