I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
