i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
