he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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