stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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