I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
