NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
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