I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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