you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
