So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
