ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
