i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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