I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
