She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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