i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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