White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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