I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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