Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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