I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
4 words: hood of his car
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize