Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
