hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
