he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
