cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
