onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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