how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
