Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
