That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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