I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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