Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
