Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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