Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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