Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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