its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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