Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
