until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
