i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
love makes seman taste better
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
