just tell him i said nine months
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Congratulations! We have a period
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