I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she smelled like a LAN party
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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