My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
