I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize