This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm sobbing to NWA
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
