It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
