i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
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