ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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