After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
