i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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