Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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