I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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