dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
