i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
