i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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