He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize
