Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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