my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
