dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
soo... how was my night?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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