you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
