So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It's blow job season.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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