I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
