i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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