If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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